Harold’s Blog (Running ,Fitness,Jokes and more)

The above is great video on how to a pull up.

Three racehorses standing around started arguing.

The first said, “I’ve won 15 out of 20 of my races!”

The second said, “Yeah, well I’ve won 29 out of 30 of my races!”

The third said, “Yeah, well I’ve won 39 out of 40 of my races!”

Then, a greyhound came up and said, “Oh yeah! Well, I’ve won 99 out of 100 of my races!”

The horses glared in amazement. “Wow! A talking greyhound!”

Common Reasons for Overeating

• Emotional Comfort
• Eating to fast
• When eating out , getting your money’s worth
• More is better
• Not paying attention while eating

Eating Correctly is a learned behavior. With fast food restaurants on every corner and microwaveable meals at the stores it is easy to get into bad eating habits.

Two campers were hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start running for their lives, when one of them stops and starts to put on his running shoes.

His partner says, “What are you doing? You can’t outrun a bear!”

His friend replies, “I don’t have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!”

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.

At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, “When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I’d better run too!”

I talked about getting some fitness videos into the blog, but I haven’t worked everything out yet. However, the following is a video of how to do a pushup.

A word of warning: do not try these exercises EVER!

1. Trampoline Presses - set yourself up on a bench press station with approximately 5 to 50% more weight than you can safely handle. Unrack the bar, drop it on your rib cage at 200 m.p.h., then use the elasticity of your bone and cartilage to get the weight back up. Your rib cage should bend inwards at least 2 to 3 inches on each rep.
2. Dumbell Bowling - this one works only with round dumbells. Do a set of dumbell flyes. At the end of the set, don’t set the weight down gently. Roll them out of your hands directly to the sides in an attempt to knock over the people to either side of you. A broken toe gets you 5 points while a broken ankle gets you 20.

3. Spastic Colon Squats - you don’t want to know.
4. Behind-The-Neck Pulldowns to the Waist - take a wide grip on the pulldown bar. Set the weight as light as possible. If you can attach a helium balloon to it to further reduce the resistance, that’s even better. Pull the bar down behind your head. Continue the motion down your middle back until the bar is level with your waistband. Let the bar up as fast as possible and repeat.
5. Wide Grip Spaz-Chicken Pushdowns - hook a pulldown bar to a high pulley. Take a wide grip on the bar (near the ends). Do a quick pushdown movement from there. You will look like a chicken having a panic attack.
6. Finger-In-The-Light-Socket Pull-Ups - this one doesn’t require much of an explanation as you’ve probably seen it in action before. If you’ve ever seen someone thrash around so hard to complete a pull-up rep that they kick themselves in the teeth, you know what I’m talking about.
7. Bug Masher Push-Ups - this is a variation of the push-up that requires a lot of abdominal flexibility. Get into the top push-up position. Now, without bending your arms, slap your pelvis against the ground as though trying to squish a bug with it. Flop up and down repeatedly like this until you either rupture something or someone comes up and asks you if you’re okay.
8. Hack Machine Back Breakers - set up in the hack squat machine facing the machine instead of the normal way (facing out). Unrack the sled then lower it down like a front squat. Be sure to round your back completely over as you lower the sled down in to the squat. Your body should resemble a “C” shape (note: this posture may become permanent after a few sets).
9. Barbell Bench Presses in a Deserted Gym - this exercise is the most dangerous one of the bunch. I used to go to a gym that operated on a card-lock system so people could get in and work out after hours when there was no supervision. I came into the gym later in the evening one day and found somebody lying on the bench with a heavy barbell stuck on his chest and yelling for help. I ran over and pulled it off him as fast as I could. When I asked him how long he had been stuck under the bar, he told me about half an hour!!
To finish up on a similar but unrelated topic, I have one final word of advice: always make sure the treadmill has come to a complete stop before you bend down to tie your shoelace. Neglecting to do so can result in you being rolled off the end like a turtle on a conveyor belt. I’ve seen it happen and it’s not pretty (darn funny but not pretty).

Well you can tell it’s spring. I get up this morning to run and it is raining. It isn’t raining all that hard so I run in it. A couple of things about running in the rain. One, it also isn’t cold this morning, which is important and it is not slippery. When it is cold and raining I won’t run because of slippery spots and getting sick. But on a morning like this, it wasn’t bad. Besides, it is only six months to the half marathon.

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy hollow in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.

The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted, and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today.”

The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At night?”

“No,” the young farmer replied seriously, “Night is when I put the water in the hole.”

Which former president and vice president died less than four hours after Thomas Jefferson on July 4, 1826?

Answer: John Adams