Harold's Blog (Running ,Fitness,Jokes, Martial Arts and more)

Since we’re now living in the time of e-mail …

… and the more common use of the written language, it is time for an English lesson. So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen’s English: 

• Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

• Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

• And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.

• It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

• Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat).

• Always avoid annoying alliteration.

• Be more or less specific.

• Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

• Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

• No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.

• Contractions aren’t helpful and shouldn’t be used.

• Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

• Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

• One should never generalize.

• Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

• Don’t use no double negatives.

• Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

• One-word sentences? Eliminate.

• Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

• The passive voice is to be ignored.

• Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

• Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

• Kill all exclamation points!!!!

• Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. {The fact that ‘irregardless’ did not light up as ‘improperly spelled’ scares me. – LadyHawke}

• Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas.

• Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.

• As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

• If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

• Puns are for children, not groan readers.

• Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

• Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

• Who needs rhetorical questions?

• Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.

• Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

The following video shows Karate women breaking bricks

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A man called his mother and announced that he had just met the woman of his dreams.

Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home- cooked meal?”

He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.

“I was totally humiliated,” he moaned. “She insisted on washing the dishes.”

“What’s wrong with that?” asked his mother. “I think it’s a wonderful gesture.”

“We hadn’t started eating yet.”

The following video demonstrates Muay Thai

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You Work in Corporate America if…

• You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.
• Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
• Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
• Your company logo on your badge is applied with stick-um.
• You order your business cards in “half orders” instead of whole boxes.
• When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
• You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.
• You learn about your layoff on CNN.
• Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.
• You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
• Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries’ annual budgets combined.
• You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.
• It’s dark when you drive to and from work.
• Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.
• Communication is something your group is having problems with.
• You see a good looking person and know they’re a visitor.
• Free food left over from meetings is your main staple of your diet.
• Weekends are those days your significant other makes you stay home.
• Art involves a white board.
• You’re already late on the assignment you just got.

The following video talks about the Benefits Of Chamomile Tea

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The following video demonstrates Jeet kune do

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A lawyer named Strange died…

…, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative:

He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.” That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: “That’s Strange!”

The following video demonstrates Krav Maga Self Defense Techniques

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