Harold’s Blog (Running ,Fitness,Jokes and more)

Random Funnies

• After the flood, Noah sent the animals off the ark telling each couple to “go forth and multiply”. Later, he came across two snakes. “I thought I told you to go forth and multiply.” One of the snakes replied, “We’re sorry but we can’t. You see we’re adders.”
• The carpenters worked well together because they were on the same level.
• Horses have six legs because they have forelegs in front and two legs behind.
• The violinist visited the doctor because he was high-strung.
• A lot of trees were dying, but they needed to figure out the root of the problem.
• If your nose runs and your feet smell, do you know what is the matter with you? You are built upside down.

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The body of any organization has four bones:

• Wish bones, who spend all their time wishing someone else will do all the work;
• Jaw Bones, who do all the talking and very little else;
• Knuckle Bones, who knock everything that everybody else tries to do;
• Back Bones, who get under the load and do all the work.

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A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. “Professionally employed?” he asked.

“We’re a military family,” the wife answered.

“Children?”

“Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve,” she answered proudly.

“Animals?”

“Oh, no,” she said earnestly. “They’re very well behaved.”

The following video shows how not exercise

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health…

… and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, “He’s probably a high school basketball coach”

As you age you have to pace your progress in order to avoid injury and soreness.  If you are just starting out start slow.  If you over do it you become sore and that can be discouraging.  As an example, if you are starting a walking or running program don’t try to do a large number of miles.  You might want to start with a quarter mile.  If you comfortable at the end of the week try adding a quarter mile next week and the week after until you get to a mile.  You won’t be sore and you will see steady measurable progress. If you are lifting weights start with just the bar and add weight weekly.  Again slow and steady.  Keep a journal of what you are doing and you will be amazed at your progress.

An Employee went to see his boss to ask for a raise

Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.

Boss: Yes.

Employee: I won’t beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.

Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.

Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic downturn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro-activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.

Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don’t want to start a brain drain, I’m willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?

Employee: Great! It’s a deal! Thank you, sir!

Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?

Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!

Muscle soreness after exercise is a common complaint of many athletes. The medical name for this condition is delayed onset muscle soreness, or DOMS, and it is thought to be due in large part to inflammation of the muscle as a result of microtears of the muscle fibers.

Treatment of sore muscles after exercise is focused on reducing the inflammation and allowing the sore muscle to heal properly. Some treatments recommended for muscle soreness have a scientific basis, others do not. Here are some common treatments and the rationale for their effectiveness.
Rest
The simplest and most reliable treatment for sore muscles is rest. Most people with muscle soreness will improve with no specific treatment within 5 to 7 days. Some simple activity, known as ‘active recovery,’ can be helpful during this phase of treatment.

Active Recovery
Active recovery means performing less-intense exercise during the recovery phase from an aggressive workout. Active recovery can be beneficial both as a ‘cool-down’ from a hard workout or as a recovery in the days following a hard workout. Active recovery stimulates blood flow to the muscles, improves circulation in the muscles, and helps reduce muscle pain.
Ice the Muscles
Treating inflammation with ice application is common, and most effective when initiated as soon after the onset of inflammation as possible. Ice application for muscle soreness is probably effective when initiated in the first 48 hours of exercise induced muscle soreness, and probably less effective thereafter.

Consider Massage
The have been some studies that demonstrate a benefit of massage on the treatment of muscle soreness. Massage is thought to simulate blood flow to the area and to diminish swelling within the muscle.
Gentle Stretching
Recent studies have shown that stretching probably does not make a difference in most athletes in preventing or reducing muscle soreness. That said, many athletes find that a stretching routing is their key to quick recovery, and there is no evidence that stretching is harmful or contributes to muscle soreness. If you want to try some gentle stretching, it may help, and can’t hurt.
Anti-Inflammatory Medications
Anti-inflammatory medications will help relieve some of the discomfort of muscle soreness, but will not effect the length of time for recovery of the muscle. Early administration of anti-inflammatory medications is most helpful.
Heat Application
The application of heat can help relax a tense, stiff muscle, and should be considered when recovering from delayed onset muscle soreness. When participating in active recovery, heat application before exercise can ensure the muscle is warm and loose.
Topical Creams
Topical creams include Aspercreme, BenGay, and IcyHot. These medications are called counterirritants. These medications do not actually warm the muscle, but rather cause skin irritation, redness, and warmth of the superficial tissues. While these topical applications can provide the perception of pain relief, they have no effects on the underlying muscle. The application of these topical creams is fine, but use caution as the medication can be absorbed into the body, and these should not be used with heat applications as severe skin burns can result.
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Our co-worker kept trying to get her mother to fly out for a visit.

“No way am I getting on an air plane,” was the in- evitable answer.

“Look, Mom, when it’s your time to go, it doesn’t matter if you’re on the ground or in the air.”

“I know,” said her mother. “I just don’t want to be that far off the ground when it’s the pilot’s time to go.”

The following video shows a two finger pushup.  A very tough exercise.

 Flash Video [1:13m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Age Quotes

• “I’m so old they’ve cancelled my blood type.” Bob Hope
• “As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two…” Sir Norman Wisdom
• “Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon…smart too late.” Mike Tyson
• “You know you’re getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.” John Mendoza
• “As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.” Robert Quillen
• “People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it’s more about the state of your body.” Geoffrey Parfitt

You probably have some idea of how fit you are. But knowing the specifics can help you set fitness goals, monitor your progress and maintain your motivation. Once you know where you’re starting from, you can plan where you want to go. And it’s easier than you might think! Get started with the simple assessment guidelines below — based on guidelines provided by the President’s Challenge, an activity program designed by the President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports.

Gather your tools

Generally, fitness is assessed in four key areas — aerobic fitness, muscular fitness, flexibility and body composition. To do your assessment, you’ll need:

• A watch that can measure seconds or a stopwatch
• A cloth measuring tape
• A yardstick
• Heavy duty tape
• Someone to help you with the flexibility test

You’ll also need a pencil or pen and paper to record your scores as you complete each part of the assessment. You can record your scores in a notebook or journal, or save them in a spreadsheet or another electronic format.

Check your aerobic fitness: Brisk walk

To assess your aerobic fitness, take a brisk one-mile (1.6-kilometer) walk. You can do the walk anywhere — on a trail or track, inside a shopping mall or on a treadmill. Before and after the walk, check and record your pulse in your notebook or journal.

To check your pulse over your carotid artery, place your index and third fingers on your neck to the side of your windpipe. To check your pulse at your wrist, place two fingers between the bone and the tendon over your radial artery — which is located on the thumb side of your wrist. When you feel your pulse, look at your watch and count the number of beats in 10 seconds. Multiply this number by 6 to get your heart rate per minute.

Let’s say you count 15 beats in 10 seconds. Multiply 15 by 6 for a total of 90 beats per minute.

After you’ve recorded your pulse, note the time on your watch and walk one mile (1.6 kilometers). After you complete the walk, check your watch and record the time it took you to finish — in minutes and seconds — in your notebook or journal. Then check and record your pulse once more.

Measure muscular fitness: Push-ups

Push-ups can help you measure muscular strength. If you’re just starting a fitness program, do modified push-ups on your knees. If you’re already fit, do classic push-ups. For both types:

• Lie facedown on the floor with your elbows bent and your palms next to your shoulders.
• Keeping your back straight, push up with your arms until your arms are extended.
• Lower your body until your chest touches the floor.
• Push your body upward, returning to the starting position.

Count each time you return to the starting position as one push-up. Do as many push-ups as you can until you need to stop for rest. Record the number of push-ups you complete in your notebook or journal.

Assess your flexibility: Sit-and-reach test

The sit-and-reach test is a simple way to measure the flexibility of the backs of your legs, your hips and your lower back. Here’s how:

• Place a yardstick on the floor. Secure it by placing a piece of tape across the yardstick at the 15-inch (38-centimeter) mark.
• Place the soles of your feet even with the mark on the yardstick.
• Ask a helper to place his or her hands on top of your knees to anchor them.
• Reach forward as far as you can, holding the position for two seconds.
• Note the distance you reached.
• Repeat the test two more times.
• Record the best of the three reaches.

Estimate your body composition: Waist circumference and body mass index

With a cloth measuring tape, measure your waist circumference at its smallest point — usually at the level of the navel. Record your waist circumference in inches or centimeters in your notebook or journal.

Then determine your body mass index (BMI) — an indicator of your percentage of body fat — through a BMI table or online calculator. If you’d rather do the math yourself, divide your weight in pounds by your height in inches squared and multiply by 703. Or divide your weight in kilograms by your height in meters squared. (To determine your height in meters, divide your height in centimeters by 100). Record your BMI with the rest of your scores in your notebook or journal.

Monitor your progress

Now that you know your fitness level, keep track of your progress. Take the same measurements six weeks after you begin your exercise program and periodically afterward. Each time you repeat your assessment, celebrate your progress — and adjust your fitness goals accordingly. Show the results to your doctor or personal trainer for additional guidance.